‘who is claude’s retainer?’ could be a trick question on jeopardy. there is no one answer. retainer as in child of the second most powerful family? that’s hilda. someone who is actually politically powerful enough to rival him? lorenz. someone reliable and capable, who fulfils the role of an advisor? judith. someone specifically chosen to command in his stead? nader. someone with complete faith in him? marianne. your guess is as good as anybody’s
DDoS Attack Against AO3: Correcting Misinformation
Normally I don’t make any posts like this, but I have an interest in cybersecurity and sadly I’ve seen people are being really ignorant about this recent DDoS attack against the site AO3 (Archive of Our Own), so I thought I’d remind people of a few things:
Anonymous Sudan appears to have no actual link to Sudan at all, or to any previous hacktivist groups that once operated there. This masquerade is probably based in anti-immigration and other racist sentiments, and utilizing those sentiments in other people to scare people and set up Muslims and Sudanese people as a target. This should be obvious from the language used in their note, but this was already known prior to this particular attack.
This so-called Anonymous Sudan has actually been very active recently—remember that they claimed to attack Reddit, Flickr, Riot Games, a huge number of Microsoft web portals like OneDrive and Outlook, etc. before AO3, so AO3 was totally a logical target for them since they’ve gone after smaller entities before. DDoS attacks like this are easy for any script kiddie to set up, so it’s not weird that they’d go for a smaller target like this.
Honestly this group of posers probably just wants money, everybody. They sent AO3 a ransom note asking for Bitcoin (and just in case people don’t know, do not pay a ransom if at all possible if this ever happens to you).
My advice to people who’ve noticed this attack is two-fold: calm down since this is part of a larger pattern that has literally resulted in basically no loss for the end-user of any of the sites, and… I don’t really know a better way to put this, but don’t believe everything you read. A religiously-motivated hate group wouldn’t use terms like “LGBTQ+” and “smuts,” and it’s so blatantly obvious that the timing of every single one of these attacks is being used to smear Muslims and Sudanese people if you think about current events for like. One second. And if you look up Anonymous Sudan, you’ll see their string of attacks and how all experts know that they have nothing to do with Sudan at all. Even AO3 itself told everybody that the group is lying about their motivations… though I think I’d go further than that personally because even their name itself is almost certainly a total sham.
To be clear: this post isn’t targeted at anyone in particular. I’ve just seen a lot of people falling for this overall or not realizing this is part of a pattern, and I also wanted to remind everyone that this isn’t anything to be concerned about. What is something to be concerned about is not doing research or thinking critically and then unwittingly spreading racist ideas.
“Close the door. Write with no one looking over your shoulder. Don’t try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It’s the one and only thing you have to offer.”
Writing bad dialog is almost an art form unto itself.
Recently I read a couple of stories where it felt as if the author was struggling to come up with bad dialog. So I thought I should give a few tips on how to do it properly.
The easiest way to write wretched dialog is to use dialog for the wrong things. In other words, when a scene calls for description, narration, transitions, introspection, characterization, or other things—simply do it all with dialog.
Bad Dialog in Place of Description
Let me give you an example. Our character, Joe, has just reached into the pocket of a dead man that he found washed up on a Florida beach. Now, the natural way to handle the scene would be to show the readers what Joe pulls from the dead man’s pocket. But instead you can do it in dialog, in this case, with another character, Ron:
Ron: Hey, what did you just find in that dead man’s pocket? Joe: Why, it looks like … gold pieces of eight, dated 1702!
Can you see how well that works? I mean, if you pulled a piece of ancient gold from a dead man’s pocket, you’d probably take a bit of time wondering what it was, studying it, and turning it over in your hand. But you can handle it faster if you simply have a character blurt a perfectly accurate description. So if you want to win awards for bad dialog, keep putting your descriptions into dialog!
Bad Dialog in Place of Transitions
Here’s how to write a terrible transition. We have just had two men meet, and one asked to meet in private. Let’s have Joe and Ron again.
Joe: Well, here we are in the Redwood National Forest. Sure is a foggy day, what with the wind coming in off the Pacific. What did you want to talk about, Ron, that made you drag me all the way out here, three miles into the trees? You afraid that our offices are being bugged or something?
In this case, the average author might start the scene with the two walking deep into a forest in the early dawn, smelling the fog off the sea, freezing from the cold. Personally, if I were Joe, I’d be a bit nervous, and I’d be wondering if Ron planned to murder me, but maybe that’s just me.
Bad Dialog in Place of Introspection
One of my favorite misuses of dialog is the spoken dialog that should be internal. For example, let’s say that Joe goes to the funeral of Ron’s mother. He walks into the foyer and is approaching the deceased, with people both ahead and behind him. He sees the old crone in her casket, dressed nicely, and then whispers to himself, “I never did like the old bag, but she looks pretty hot today… .”
Now, most folks would think that Joe would have to be literally insane to say something like that in public. But as a master of bad dialog, you just might get away with it. After all, I think that by now you’ve established that Joe has diarrhea of the mouth and never can shut up, so maybe readers won’t notice that you’re trying to tell your story through dialog alone.
Bad Dialog in Place of Characterization
Then of course, you can always characterize people by having one character talk about another. For example, Joe might tell Ron, “You know, my daughter Kary is so introverted, I can’t understand why she would want to become President of the United States.”
“She is introverted,” Ron says, “but you know, she also wants to save the country from fracking, and I don’t think that she can come up with any other way to do it.”
That one always works.
Just remember, if you want to become a master of ridiculously bad dialog, the first rule is to use dialog for everything—for descriptions, for internal thoughts, for narrating your scenes, for transitions and deep characterization. Wretched dialog has a million uses!
btw. your search for the most morally upright and ethical piece of media that has the most correct “representation” will destroy your ability to find the most profound and beautiful and human of stories. and may even destroy the stories themselves before they are created. if you even care.
